Grace

Here in Fiji, religion is as commonplace as technology is in the West.

Upon first meeting someone - they will ask you your name, your age, for myself... country of origin, whether you are married and what your religion is. For many, this is not a simple one word answer.

In fact, my explaination often begins with saying I am inter-faith which of course requires some explaination. I often continue on to say that my spiritual tradition is something more of Hinduism and Buddhism than Christianity. I explain that my congregation in America (UU) values compassion and love as well as equality and justice. I also usually add something a little more concrete about my practices often saying that I try to maintain daily meditation and yoga and I am a strict vegetarian.

This is all well and good. And hopefully I enlighten my audience more than baffle them. But then there comes the time when I am asked to pray or say grace aloud. I often fumble through some vague blessing asking everyone present to remember person and circumstance that has allowed this food to be present, the whole time sweating the fact that I am not going to mention Jesus or Allah or even Lord at all. I don't quite feel comfortable saying Goddess aloud in public. A possible hang up from Catholic School days. So today, I've been rumaging around the internet for inspiration... something universal and inspiring... so that I can use the precious moments I am given to express my faith with conviction.

Here are some of the things I have come across.

Sermon on Saying Grace

Gatha Before Eating (And other prayers)

"Bless all of those who have brought this nourishment to our table -- through their labors and their lives."

Have any thoughts or inspirations you want to share? Please feel free!

Site Visit - Inspiration Manifested

I would like to just briefly comment on my impression of my future placement and home of the next two years... Ba.

Within just two days of arriving, I have already begun integration into the community. I have individuals, strangers, invite me into their offices to sit and chat about what I will be doing here and why I have chosen the Peace Corps. One such person, related his experience of having a teacher 20 years ago who was from the PC and how he was very appreciative of what I was here to do. He mentioned that at anytime I was welcome to come and talk and that he would like to invite me to have dinner with his family once I was settled in Ba.

My work looks challenging but productive and sustainable. I feel competent with all that is being asked of me as a volunteer.

What a relief and revelation this has been. I was fearing that the rigours and stress of training would be just a reflection of my future service. I am not deluded in thinking that my service will somehow be straightforward and easy... I acknowledge that there are many challenges ahead. However the main difference between the two being that I will be able to rely on my own techniques for remaining mentally and emotionally stable throughout.

Training: Weeks 4 -6

I let it go again - however I have used entries from my written journal to fill in the details of what I’ve been doing the last several weeks.

The Big News

I’ll start with this exciting tidbit. I have received information about my placement for the next two years and will travel this weekend to visit my site.

I will be serving as a Health Promoter in the Ba Province.

Wikipedia Entry on Ba Province

About Ba

Map of the Region

Ba, Near the Coast

Market in the Town of Ba

I will specifically be living in the town of Ba in a flat and working on three separate main projects…

1 – Developing and HIV/STI and Life Skills program for the Methodist High School
2 – Creating a multi-racial, non-denominational Youth group focused on diversity and leadership
3 – Helping with finance and program structure at the Senior Citizen’s Center

Additionally, I would like to work on developing an Indo-Fijian oriented youth program that would build life skills through the arts.

On Integration…

In general, I’ve noted that people appreciate stability – this includes consistent behavior in individuals. The villagers seem to value the fact that I go running/walking each morning around the same time. Sometimes I’ll even have children from the village following behind me.

On Interaction…

Everything is such an event here – every passing. Each entrance and exit takes nearly 15 minutes. There are series of motions and considerations you are expected to conform to… confirming where you have come from, where you are going, how long you expect to be gone and what time you expect to return, not to mention your purpose in going. Despite the annoyance, I can see the value of being so polite in such a communial setting. I am not against these rituals but I am a bit awkward in performing them. Saying “vinaka” after everything seems a bit excess to me still. I have been trying to use each of these interactions as a meditation on empathy and consideration for others.

Things I miss from home…

- Good pens (specifically Pilot Precise v5)
- Green tea, Red Tea Chai & Decaf Earl Grey
- Waste free water puddles
- Dry, mildew free clothes
- Voluntary & enthusiastic spiritual practices
- Trader Joe’s
- Wireless Internet
- Game Nights
- Thai food
- Privacy
- Choosing and cooking my own food
- Skin so Soft (layering repellant and sunscreen daily gets old quickly)
- Riding the T

Training thus far…

My training is difficult and challenging, for so many reasons.

I do not feel as though I am grasping the language but I feel that it is not due to a lack of effort or desire but teacher qualifications and time being allowed for study. Our technical health training is many fields and facets of Fijian healthcare but all of it seems a bit shallow sometimes.

My family is wonderful. My mother is a warm and caring woman who seems genuinely interested in my welfare and has no hesitation in calling me daughter. My father keeps to himself but has a good sense of humor. My younger sister, Marea, is very hard working and friendly. Even if my family can be overprotective at times, they have said they are honored by their role and its responsibility.

Every so often a group of older women from my Nou’s (my mother) church will come over and she will have me sing and dance, a mini show if you will. I try singing different songs I know that are religious… Godspell, Children of Eden, and Prince of Egypt songs. Oh and Amazing Grace. Its her favorite to sing along with in English. She also has been asking me to dance for the group. (This is activity is often accompanied in giggles because dancing is not allowed by the Methodist church here) Last time, Bollywood style dancing was the request. Who knew I would be starring in my own personal talent show when I joined the Peace Corps?

Humility

It is a fine line between accepting disrespect and serving another.
I would be the first to admit I can be prideful but sometimes I find it hard to determine just how far I can submit and have it still be healthy. I am working towards humility but one day I was tested. I was told to go sit and wait on Ratu (my father) and the other ministers. For nearly and hour, I waited silently at the side of the room until I was requested to go fetch something. The men present thought nothing of ignoring my presence completely. I tried my best to adopt a spirit of humility but it was very difficult.

Sounds

I can hear the sounds of yagona (kava) being hand-pounded somewhere in the village. The sound reminds me of children playing at a playground. There are also men chanting as they drink yagona. The songs and the clapping - both rituals from antiquity.

Latoka

I went to visit several PCVs staying in Latoka who are currently finishing up their two years. The first night there we made a dinner of hummus and burritos with cheese. I could not have been more pleased… everything tasted like heaven.

After dinner, we went to a nightclub. An unforgettable experience that involved Island-style covers and several very intoxicated members of a local hospital. And I thought they were just trying to impress me by saying that they worked in the medical field (like a guy might in the States)… I came to find out later that the one guy wasn’t lying when he said he was a surgeon. Oops.

The next day, we took a carrier truck to the mountains and went hiking at Koronanitu National Park. (I’ll post pictures eventually) There was a tree you could walk through and a beautiful waterfall. But most importantly, I was able to get out in Nature and retrieve some of my sanity that I lost during training. I pondered the uses of different types of wood and seashells in jewelry projects… in short, my creativity had partially returned.

Finally, We went to a movie theater to see “Number 23” which I thoroughly enjoyed. His tattoo in the movie was really attractive. The movie overall was well done, I thought. I liked how it turned things around in the end to be somewhat realistic.

A Reflection

This experience is the unraveling of me.

Already my time here has forced my foibles to the surface. In this environment, I am capable of observing the negative and destructive tendencies I could easily mask back home.

I am prideful and controlling. And when faced with intimacy (some forms anyway), I find subtle ways to avoid the commitment. Do I fear the responsibility of someone’s well being or the unspoken expectations they have of me?

I can appreciate the task of supporting another – to act as a counselor is a role I have always thought suited me. But is that because acting as a professional in that role is a distanced and controlled matter?

The demands of a relationship (in this case a familial one) seem to outweigh the possibilities available by the connection.

Will It always be like this…. An all or nothing scenario? A situation in which I hold those around me to impossible standards and instead of finding solace in the human community around me and continue to look instead to an abstract ideal of the Sacred?

My life back home…

I wonder if my imagining about others lives back home will fade? Will I eventually be so out of touch with that way of life that I no longer have any material to shape the fictional reality from?

Training: Weeks 1-3

I will begin this by saying that I have learned that I should not let three weeks go by without a record of what I am doing with my days... When I finally get the chance to pause and reflect upon my activities, I am overwhelmed by the task and can think of nothing to say. Lesson learned.

I couldn’t precisely say what in me has changed since Kiribati. Though, I will note that I have felt a distinct shift in my attitude and the “lenses” through which I observe my world. No longer am I drawn to reflections of spiritual importance filled with wisdom gained about my own nature. I feel a sense of regret at the loss of that perspective and I hope it will return.

Three weeks.

It feels like so much more and also so much less. The Peace Corps has seen to it that every day of my training is packed with cross-cultural and health development goodness.
To start, I will say that I received a disappointing hit on my first day when I was assigned to a Fijian village after clearly listing my preference to learn Hindi. I’m trying my best each day to see the positive in this choice but some days are more difficult than others. To see years of study and understanding about Hinduism and Indian culture set aside without any specific explanation as to why I was being asked to do so. I must mention in fairness that I brought the topic up to my Program Coordinator who promptly told me that they lined us up on a grid by job and placed us where they thought we might be needed, which is logical enough. But her demeanor seemed slightly dismissive and my preference was not simply out of desire but a clear understanding of my ability to integrate with the Indo-Fijian community. Something in me is still upset with the decision... but I will remain positive. I can learn Hindi on my own later and find some way to integrate with the Indo-Fijian community here, most likely through attending functions/holidays at a temple. But, for right now, I am getting a rare opportunity to experience Fijian village culture and learn the language.

Life as a Peace Corps Trainee...

A typical day.

• 6:00 Go For a Run
• 7:00 Bucket Bathe, Brush Teeth & Get Dressed
• 7:30 Eat Breakfast - Today, Papaya, Banana, Roti, & Green Tea (from my depleting stash)
• 8:00 Vuli ni vakaViti (Fijian Language Lessons) - Today we studied: Subjective Pronouns and all their exciting and specific forms. For example: “Keitou” is the pronoun for “We” when there are more than 2 people and the speaker is included.
• 10:00 Morning Tea
• 10:30 Fijian Lessons Continue...
  We continued our studies by reading a bit of article on rugby from the local paper.
• 12:00 Lunch
  Today: Ginger Broth Soup with Egg and Ramen & Cucumber
• 1:00 Community Assessment Activities or Health Technical Training
  - Ex. of Community Assessment Activities
  Going house to house and asking (in as much Fijian as you can muster) about rubbish disposal in the village
  - Ex. of Health Technical Training
  Visiting the only Mental Health hospital in the Pacific... St. Giles Hospital. And realizing there are no services available there for adolescents or elderly.
• 6:30 Dinner
  Today: Dhal Soup Fijian Style with Rice & Milo
• 7:00 Evening Family Prayer (like a Mini Church Service in Fijian)
• 8:00 Study with Fellow PCTs
• 10:00 Bedtime
  

So...Thats my day, everyday with some small variations to keep things lively.

Sundays.

Ah, Day of Rest… in theory. In reality, the most exhausting day of my week. I am living as a Minister's daughter. 6 hours of church on Sundays starting at 4:30 am. The Methodist here are not what I remember from back home. But its good to see that aspect of the culture... if it is exhausting to have to sit in church for an entire day with every word spoken in Fijian.

I'll continue this another day when I have time.. my precious hour at the Internet Cafe is up.

In Fiji ... At Last

I just wanted to assure everyone that I have safely made it to Fiji. I am currently near Suva but tomorrow I leave to stay with my host family in a nearby village.

Everything is going wonderfully and I look forward to writing all the details.

May this note find you all well

Namaste! Bula!

Arrival to Staging

I have safely arrived in L.A. and completed my first day of staging.

From here forward, I am not sure what access I will have to the internet... so as they say in the Peace Corps - "No news is good news." It is possible that you will not hear a word from me in the next 10 weeks, so please do not be concerned.

My staging is going well thus far. It is indeed the same material being covered as last time, but fortunately I have with me a large new group of people to get to know. We are 29 trainees in total this time. Nearly double the size of my last training group.

The folks I have come to know thus far are enthusiastic but down-to-earth. Generally speaking (of course) they are optimistic if a bit nervous about traveling and working in Fiji. I have tried to hold my tongue, recognizing that my limited experience with the Peace Corps, although valuable to me is not needful or wanted in conversation. So unless I am asked, I am trying not to disclose much.

I should go now, as I have offered my computer and internet access to the group.


Also, my address during training for the next 10 weeks will be:

Rhiannon Doherty PCT
Peace Corps/ Fiji
Private Mail Bag
Suva, Fiji
SOUTH PACIFIC

A Note to Myself

I want to be content without being numb.

I want to have opinions without being closed-minded.

I want to have morality without judging others.

I want to love without being selfish or ashamed.

I want to grow without leaving others behind.

_______________________________________

I Respect & Admire -

Those who are able to find balance in their lives.
Those who live and work in quiet perserverence.
Those whose first thought is about others not themselves.
Those with strong opinions that force us to questions ourselves.
Those who can give their love freely even if they know they will be hurt by it.

_______________________________________

I hope in the future that I will...

Hold myself accountable for my actions

Risk being hurt if it mean I can help someone

Live deliberately without allowing perfection to infect my efforts

Practice awareness and empathy when dealing with the rights and feelings of those around me

Be Honest

Come to understand that I am only human and I am not infallible

Always act in the spirit of compassion and understanding

Interconnectedness

The net of the universe hangs like a shawl on my shoulders.

At times, it is woven in love and sustains me.
I glimpse the nature of unity and find peace.

And there are also times when it feels as thought it were made of lead.
The weight of action and responsibility force me to my knees.
The thread is all of humanity and I feel that I am overwhelmed by duty.

But it is my choice - I alone give thought and form to this perception...
Will I be struck by awe at the miracle of our time here
Or will I despair at the emptiness of the universe?

Is there not something in between...some joyful celebration of our bond?
Why instead, do these unnamed feelings overwhelm my spirit?

It Begins Again.

I just confirmed my flight to LAX.
I depart for my Peace Corps Adventure: Fiji Edition on the 20th of May.

I also just saw the staging itinerary...
It will be the exact same 2 day presentation. It was trying the first time...

But I am happy to see things falling into place.
I have only a few things to do before I leave which is refreshing.

• Pick up some clothing.
• Purchase portable speakers.
• Burn extra CDs.
• Save my HD to my external unit.
• Re-pack.

Day to Day in Boston

Last week, I had the opportunity to house-sit for a friend with two dogs. My responsibilities to the pets (especially the puppy, Matilda) and other office work I offered to assist with had me occupied and content. Now, I have come to stay with a gracious friend for the remainder of my time here. The arrangement is ideal. I am close enough to bus lines that I can easily move about the city. I am also close to St. Elizabeth's Hospital where I have chosen to volunteer until I leave once more. I went today to speak with the head of volunteering hopeful that she would be able to find a placement for me soon. And she quickly switched from the informal questions of an interview to eagerly explaining a new project she hoped to initiate. She went into the explanation of the event already assuming my participation in it. I was thrilled that I was so quickly accepted into the workings of the department. To have a purpose once more and be able to use my skills to help others has truly made my day. I already started work on a community development program for seniors at the cafe. I'll be surveying individuals coming to a hospital event on Thursday night for their responses to the idea. It looks like I will also be helping plan a volunteer appreciation event for early June. Now I just need to get myself to sit down and study my Hindi and Bauan.